Monday, July 5, 2010

What the french...toast?!

It's been an interesting weekend.

Friday was a good day. I ran those 4 miles on my rest day. My cousin was up with the cutest baby in the world, her son Max, and I had a couple frozen margaritas by the pool. Life was good, until...a certain someone who shall remain anonymous spilled wine all over my personal laptop, which will now not turn on. Then, the ladies who were at the house wanted me to try on the dress I was planning to wear to the wedding. I was then told by these ladies that I should not wear that dress to the wedding. Thank you ladies.

Luckily, I brought a black dress just in case. Well I tried that dress on and that was the winner in these ladies' minds. One problem, there are loops on the dress where a belt needs to go. I do not have a belt. So I then realize it is my mission to find a belt on Saturday morning.

Saturday rolls around. I leave Travis with my family and go looking for a belt. Well, let's just say three stores later, I was not in the best of moods. I finally decide to stop at the good ole Target (said the fancy pants way). I leave Target with four belts. I bring the belts home. I then try on the black dress with each of the four belts and my mother and darling cousin do not like any of the belts. The one I ended up wearing was "okay." So I leave for the wedding feeling "okay." My feet on the other hand, did not feel okay. Putting those heels on over those blisters was pure torture.

We get to the church and obviously we're late, because we can't make it to anything on time. The ushers tell us we have to wait until the bridesmaids go down the aisle. So we are clearly the assholes in this situation. Once we get to our seats, Amy and Jaime get married. (2 things: Not lesbians, and I can't mention anything about the rhyming....)

So we go to this wedding and this is where the heavy drinking begins. A friend suggested a drink called "Rainstorm" because it's a delicious treat. It's called Rainstorm because the bartender has SEVEN children and one is named Rain and another is named Storm. Why did I not ask what the names of the other five are.....? However, guessing them could be a pretty fun game.

The wedding was awesome, the Zoo played and they are the shit. Drinks were good. Then Trav had to leave to go to a bachelor party in Cape Cod, so I decided it would be a good idea to go out. Kasey picked me up and we went to Molly's. And no, I did not change, I went to Molly's in my wedding dress. I then continued to drink until 5:00am and fell asleep on some random couch. Kate wakes up in the morning and has no idea where she is and says to the owner of this house: "Where's Lauren?" And his reply was "I don't know who Lauren is, but there's some blond on the couch upstairs." Keepin' it reallllll classyyyyy.....

Kate and I luckily get a ride back to Kerri's. I'm still in my wedding dress. Lou, Kerri, and I decide that Bagelman is clearly the best option. So we order food, and when I say food, I mean feast. My breakfast cost $15.00. What breakfast can you get at Bagelman for $15.00?

When we get to Bagelman, I'm still in my wedding dress. And I'm definitely still drunk, as are Kerri and Lou. I've never received more dirty looks in my life. I didn't understand it though, because I was in a wedding dress. I was the best dressed one in that fine establishment. Well the people behind the counter didn't think so. They blatantly ignored us about 7 times until Lou literally yells in this woman's face: "What the french, toast?!" After she recovered from this blow, she gave us our food because she wanted us out.

As the three of us are drunkenly devouring our feast, Kerri and Lou decide to provide some fine dining entertainment. I don't know if anyone is familiar with this site called, but I was not. So without warning, Kerri pulls this site up and it is a site where people video chat with each other. However, there is not much chatting and getting to know you. There is a lot of peepee touches happening. So it is basically a site for all the perverts from around the world. People kept "nexting" us because we were just giggling at every person. Must have really been a confidence booster for those fine gentleman who were fondling themselves hoping people will watch.


So I finally get a ride back to my house...still in my wedding dress. Then we head back to the Kaylor's for some more boozin by the pool. I could not drink anymore at this point, so I did not partake, minus the one Bloody Mary I enjoyed.

Then it was time for the birthday party. Whose birthday party you may be asking yourself...oh that's right...America's birthday party. We head over to this lake house in New York and enjoy an excellent fireworks display. Clearly there was more drinking occurring at this point. It was an interesting night to say the least. I won't tell you much about it, but here is a little taste of the texting conversation Kasey and I were having. Now you may be wondering why we would text each other if we were with each other...that was obviously so Kasey could talk about the guy hitting on her. So here's some of the conversation:

Kasey: HaTteee himm
Kasey: Nooo lovvveeee
Lauren: Noooooooooooovvvvvvvvvveeeeep
Kasey: Noo love love dfont hurty me
Kasey: CHopppinesS
Kasey: Meet me haldfFf wayT
Kasey: Hey douche, u go fuck urself faggot
Lauren: Fagggghottttt!!
Kasey: Griiimmmeeee
Kasey: This kids breathe smeels. Like kitty liter
Lauren: Ewww!! Let's get a duff ride home
Kasey: Duff?
Kasey: Hey douche, -p it or I break ur hip
Lauren: Ummm...?
Lauren: Hahha okay zahara
Kasey: No. For reall this kidS breathe smells worse than the dump Lou took earlier
Kasey: I'd ythid happniNg
Lauren: U legit look like ur going to their ip
Kasey Ip?
Lauren: Up
Kasey: ANnnooyyiingh
Lauren: Omg
Kasey: Redic
Kasey: Prob So Coollll
Kasey: FaggggoooootttTt
Lauren: Faggot!
Kasey: Hey douche, ur so sunmnbruneT ur SO cool $

Like I said before...interesting night...

Today is a 6 mile run. My body legit hates me. I haven't taken out my contacts in 2 days. Why am I living my life like I'm on Spring Break? Oh I know...because it's fun. Who knows if I'll be saying that after this run which clearly won't be happening any time soon. On to lay by the pool and take a little nappy with shampoo in my lappy.

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